Ain't The Only One Crushing

Cass wanted to rejoice as soon as she entered the South Kenton Community Center and soaked up the good AC. It’d been blazing all week, and since her AC went out in her house, she’d been coming to the Center every day after school to help Ms. Atkins with the after-school program, instead of just twice a week, like usual.

After only a second of basking in the cool air of the hallway, Cass went into the gym, where Ms. Aktins started separating the kids by age. Cass couldn’t help but smile. No matter how rambunctious the Birch kids got, Ms. Atkins never raised her voice. She wasn’t from the Birch, but you wouldn’t know it, from how hard she goes for the kids there. Where her husband Mr. Fisher was always trying to radicalize the adults, Ms. Atkins ran the Center to be a safe haven for those who hadn’t yet lost the battle to the streets, not only for the Birch, but for South Kenton in general.

Ms. Atkins turned and breathed a heavy sigh of relief at the sight of Cass, which made her smile. 

“I’ve been counting down the hours until you got out of school, Cass. Can you go into the nursery for a little? I’m short-staffed still for the next thirty minutes, and had to pull one of the BBs in to watch them–Maya, please take a seat and get your homework out, sweetie.”

“Okay sure,” Cass said, though Ms. Atkins was now trying to get two elementary school boys out of each others’ faces. She passed more older volunteers as she made her way out the gym, and skipped down the short hallway before quietly opening the door.

The nursery was really a multipurpose room that was set up with portable cots, cribs, and playpens. All six of the towers in the Birch had rec rooms and day cares, but there weren’t enough part-time workers or even volunteers to man them, so Ms. Atkins brought everyone to the Center and made it work with kids like Cass. She aspired to be a teacher, so she figured volunteering under Ms. Atkins would be a great experience to learn how to handle kids. Besides, she felt if she could handle the kids from the Birch, she could teach anywhere.

Most of the babies were down for a nap when she entered the nursery, but she could hear one little baby voice at the far end of the room.

Her breath hitched when she walked further in and recognized the side profile of the boy sitting in a rocking chair. What was he doing here?

The past three mornings, Boogie hadn’t accompanied them in their morning walk to school. She thought he was ditching, until the second day, when she saw a ninth grade girl sitting on his lap at lunch. That’s when Sheryl clued her into Boogie’s new girlfriend. Some girl who didn’t live in the Birch, because apparently all the cool ninth graders would go to her house after school for x-rated parties.

Cass would never let anyone see her sweat, but once again, Boogie’s actions chipped away at her heart. Not only did she have to compete with the streets, but older, more experienced girls, too.

So why was he here now? Watching over the real babies of the Birch? Why wasn’t he at his girlfriend’s house? 

Boogie must have felt Cass staring, because he turned around and grinned, deep dimples puncturing his cheeks. He bounced a baby boy as he drooled on his little fist. “Wassup, Cass? Whatchu doing back here?”

Cass let her feet lead her to Boogie like that’s where she belonged. The feelings she had for him seemed too big for her body, too much for her twelve years of living. She hated that he meant so much to him. She saw what guys wanted every time someone bothered Carrie. Every time one of the older guys got at her. Every time one of them picked her up from school.

So why was she hoping and praying for some of that same attention from Kaleb? Why did she stay in the living room window that looked out into the courts, waiting to see him? Why was her heart about to beat out of her chest right this minute?

“The better question is what are you doing here?” Cass took a seat on the lone kiddie chair in front of him and folded her arms on top of her knees.

Boogie shrugged. “I stopped in to get some AC and Ms. Atkins asked if I could watch the babies for a lil’ until you got here. Then lil’ Khaliq here started fussing so I grabbed him up since it took forever to get the rest of the crumb snatchers down, so I’m just lacing him with game.”

Cass peered at the baby in Boogie’s arms and recognized Ms. Durrell’s baby boy immediately. She was the only woman Cass knew who really banged the BBs, and wasn’t just the girlfriend of a member. She smiled at the babe, who immediately smiled back. “He’s so cute,” she gushed.

“Right?” Boogie settled Kahliq back on his lap and cut his eyes to Cass. “You ever think about having kids?”

“All the time,” Cass replied without missing a beat. “I wanna be a teacher, but I want kids of my own, too. Like two or three.”

“Three kids? Hell naw,” Boogie chuckled. 

“Well, how many would you have?”

“Shit, none. I see how the big homies and they baby mamas be arguing and carrying on. I never want a female to get me out my skin like that.”

“Oh.” Cass deflated again, and glanced away, looking at Ms. Atkins’ twins Rain and Rian sharing a cot like they always did. It was probably good Boogie didn’t want kids. He saw how much of the young boys she knew hanging with the BBs were connected through their fathers. It’s like they passed gangbanging down like a family heirloom.

“Why you sad, Cass? You wanna have my baby?”

Cass’s head jerked up, and hot rage and embarrassment flooded her when she saw the smug grin on Boogie’s face.

She hopped out of the car like it was on fire. “Don’t tease me, Kaleb! Nobody wants your dumb, bigheaded babies!” she started stomping toward the door, ready to tell Ms. Atkins to put her with the grade school kids. 

“Man, hold up, sensitive ass.” Cass felt his hand grip her wrist and she whirled around to stare up at him.

“I’m not sensitive. You’re a…a… asshole! Bye Kaleb.”

Cass tried to snatch out of his grip but it was no use. 

“First off, you don’t call me Kaleb. I’m Boogie only, even when yo sensitive ass mad. Second, I wasn’t making fun of you, Cass. I wanted to know foreal.”

“Why?!” Cass fired back. “Don’t you have a girlfriend who you do stuff with? Shouldn’t you be asking her?!”

Boogie let her go to switch Khaliq to his other arm. “You gone wake the babies up then I’ma really be mad… you and Sherrie be talking about shit you know nothing about. If you got something to ask me, ask it straight up, on Baby. We better than that.”

Cass rolled her eyes and folded her arms. “Okay Kaleb, do you have a girlfriend?”

“Nope. Females be on me, but they not my type. I like good girls…girls that stay inside, help out at the Center in they free time… yellow girls with wild brown hair and gray eyes, that are too good for niggas like me.”

If Cass’s heart was beating hard before, it was definitely galloping then. Was she dreaming? Was she hearing him right?

I mean, Carrie was yellow, with wild, brown hair, too. But Boogie wasn’t Carrie’s type.

He had to be talking about her.

“Too good for you?” she repeated, if only to say something.

“Hell yeah,” he said, a sad smile spreading on his face. She knew it was sad, because his dimples were less prominent. “Too fucking good. And I wanna keep it that way. She got goals. She gotta go to college and become a teacher, so she can teach our babies and shit. But if she don’t know nothing, she should know, she not the only one who crushing.”

The door behind them opened, and Cass twirled to see Ms. Atkins rushing in. She smiled at Boogie, taking little Khaliq from his arms. “Thanks again, guys. Sergio’s looking for you, Kaleb.”

Boogie nodded, before winking at Cass. “Fasho, Ms. Atkins. Later, Cass.” 

He swaggered out the room, and it wasn’t until Ms. Atkins cleared her throat that Cass realized she was almost drooling.

A wry grin spread on Ms. Atkins’ lips. “I see why he jumped at the chance to help after I said I was waiting on you.” She winked before walking over to the chair Boogie was just occupying.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Ms. Atkins.” Cass followed her, checking on the sleeping babies as she went.

“Mhmm. You just be careful, Cassie. I know you guys are friends, but he’s still a little old for you. I won’t even mention the gang thing.”

Cass bristled. Boogie was fifteen, but Cass was turning thirteen soon. Two years wasn’t bad. Sure, she wasn’t even thinking about the things she knew girls her age were doing with guys, but he’d just told her he didn’t want those types of girls. 

They’d been friends way before she developed her crush. He knew her, knew her. So if he was crushing, he liked what he already knew about her. He wouldn’t try to change her like the guys she sees that hound her sister.

“Anyway, Ms. Atkins… I’m having trouble in math. Do you have any space in your tutoring program on Saturdays?”

Ms. Atkins smirked at Cass obviously trying to change the subject, but thankfully, she went along with it. “As a matter of fact I do. One of my tutors, Ayesha, needs students. You guys can start this Saturday.”

“Here you are,” a deep voice rumbled from the hallway. Ms. Atkins and Cass looked up and Cass rolled her eyes, even though she was being saved by the bell, since Ms. Atkins would surely ask about her crush on Boogie again.

She looked back to Ms. Atkins. “I’ll be here Saturday. If you need help tonight, me and Carrie can come by.”

“Sure thing, Cassie.”

Cass got up, grabbing her backpack and went to meet the annoying older boy at the door.

He grinned at her with his low, hooded light brown eyes, and messy thick plaits that grazed his shoulders. “Don’t be like that, Cass,” he crooned in that voice that had women twice his age fighting each other over him. “You’re my in with Carrie.”

“Carrie doesn’t want or need anything to do with a pimp,” Cass spat, brushing past him.

He quickly caught up with her, throwing an arm around her shoulder that she shrugged off. “That’s such an ugly word, mamita. Think of me as a… connoisseur of women. But I’m not even on that with Carrie, you know that. I want her to be my girl. Don’t you want her away from them old ass niggas?”

Cass rolled her eyes and let his arm stay on her shoulder since it was the fifth time she had to shrug him off. “Winslow–”

“See, I thought we were friends,” he interrupted, as they got to the back of the courts. “Friends call me Pooh.”

Cass grinned at Winslow, or Pooh as he liked to be called. He wasn’t an adult like the other guys chasing Carrie, but he was still seventeen, three years older than her. And worse, Pooh was a pimp. Everyone knew he moved out of his mother’s apartment in Tower Two the year before into a small house he rented a couple blocks away, that he turned into a makeshift brothel. He’d always been a smooth talker, and with his curly hair and light brown eyes, he was smoother than butter and finer than pig’s hair.

But Cass would rather Carrie try her luck with a man than a pimp.

“You think ‘Pooh’ is better than ‘Winslow’ or ‘Winnie?’ They all suck.” 

Pooh grinned, then picked Cass up and swung her around. She laughed from her belly, so loud that everyone around them stopped and stared, including Carrie, Sergio, and Boogie.

“Put her down, Pooh!” Carrie yelled, grabbing Cass’s backpack.

Cass was still laughing as she shoved Pooh. “You’re so dumb!”

“The fuck you doing with her, Pooh?” Boogie said. His voice made the smile drop off of Cass’s face immediately. She’d never heard him sound so… dangerous. When she chanced a peek at his face, it was balled up, eyebrows low on his face, upper lip curled.

Pooh put his hands up in a mock surrender. “Chill. We were actually looking for you, CareBear. I need my shit redone. Can you do it for me? I’ll take you both to the movies as a thank you.” Pooh hooded his eyes again and stepped into Carrie’s space.

She shook her head and pushed him back. “You play too much. I need money this time though. Thirty dollars.”

“Deal. We can go back to my place–”

“Nice try. C’mon. And then you can take us to the movies after.” Carrie winked at him before walking off toward Tower Two. Pooh grinned salaciously, rubbing his hands together. “See Cass? You my good luck charm. C’mon.” Pooh walked off, his eyes laser focused on Carrie’s form in her jean skirt.

“C’mon, Sarge.”

“Nigga. Ghost is waiting on us.” Sergio looked between Boogie and Pooh’s retreating form, more confused than ever.

But Boogie was focused on Cass, who found herself shrinking under his glare. That dangerous aura hadn’t retreated at all. In fact, it had doubled, tripling when he began to back away from her.

“Bye, Boogie,” she muttered, barely above a whisper. But he didn’t say anything back, just kept backing away until they hit the bleachers before he finally turned around.

Only then did she turn and catch up to Pooh and Carrie. Something told her that she had Boogie’s full attention, something she’d just been hoping and praying for. But after everything was said and done that day, she didn’t know if having his full attention was something she was ready for.