Prison Paradise Ep. 1

Wynter

December 15

I woke up and this dumb ass comp book was sitting on my bed with a pen after I threw it across the room 

I don’t know what bullshit youtube therapy videos your ass has been watching

Is this necessary?!?!

I HATE YOU RICHARD AYAAN ALVAREZ

Why the fuck am I here????????

I’ve been clean from alcohol for six weeks, 19 hours, and 14 minutes. My last drink was at brunch with Brina, YT, Macy, and Set. Before I was snatched.

I’ve been clean from any type of drug for five weeks, six days, 2 hours and 4 minutes. The animal who took me shot me up with some of the best dog food I could have ever had. If I was in my right mind, I would have asked for his supplier. 

The way you ripped into me about my habits last week… like you’re not the cause of all my pain. All roads lead to Richard Ayaan Alvarez. Since I was twelve years old, you have been my ruin. 

It’s you.

And yet, for whatever reason, my sister has trusted you with my rehabilitation. Does she know? Does she know just how sordid our past is? Does your precious Haze know you’re to blame for the dumpster fire that is my life?

I doubt you’ve disclosed it to her. Because even you know, no matter what bond you think you’ve built with her after The Incident, if she knew, if she REALLY knew just who you were to me, she’d cut you off, no hesitation.

Because regardless of what you tell yourself, and how much you think she hates me, me and Autumn Night are one. Wombmates. Twins.

She’d choose me over you. 

Besides, a part of me likes to think you’re ashamed. Ashamed of how connected we really are.

Ashamed of me.

God, I hate you. I HATE YOU! I hate you more than I hate my mom. I hate you more than I love sex.

I hate that you’re the reason I love sex so much.

I wish it was Fredo. God, how I wish it was Fredo. I wish it was Fredo whose eye I caught that day. I wish it was Fredo who taught me who I was, who breathed life into me.

I wish it was Fredo who was here, and you were dead.

You turned me away from his viewing, like I was nothing.

Fredo thought I was something.

After you turned your back on me, he didn’t. He never did.

While you were off, serving our country, doing and screwing God knows what, Fredo was my friend.

My only friend.

Him and Set.

I’ll spare you the details on me and Set’s special friendship… or maybe I won’t. Not like you care about me anyway. That much is clear.

So, again, I ask, WHY THE FUCK AM I HERE?!

You’ve made it ABUNDANTLY clear for more than a decade now that I was the scum beneath your shoe.

No… wait… let me be accurate.

“You’ve never been nothing more than a piece of pussy to me. Not the best, but at least I had you first.”

So why is a rancid piece of pussy in paradise with you? Why are you the only person I get to see, day in and day out?! It’s been over a month of me staring out into this fucking beach, and you hurling insults at me.

Let me fucking go, Richard.

You’ve done it before. You can do it again.

How’s that for writing down my feelings?

And STOP FUCKING CALLING ME SNOW.

Rico

December 15

Hold onto that hate, Snow. Prove me wrong, and kick all your habits and addictions.

Show me how it’s done.

Well done, Snow. You’ve finally written in the journal. Now, I won’t read it unless you want me to. Slide it under the door before you retire for the night, and I’ll know you want me to read your entries. Otherwise, use this journal to purge all the bullshit you usually use drugs and alcohol to dull and numb. This journal is your new drug. And if you’re a good girl, maybe I’ll unlock your patio door.

Someone wants to meet  you, but I won’t let you out of your prison until you prove I can trust you. Until your anger reduces to a simmer. But I don’t think you can do it.

Prove me wrong.