Episode 12: Wynter $now feat. Shotta

Wyn

We are high as hell.

Both of us are on our back, with our heads next to each other. We’ve been smoking out the studio all night, so it’s foggy, but my eyes are low, so it’s not irritating them so bad.

My mixtape is done. Da Colde$t B.I.T.C.H. Everyone laughed at the title, but the snippet from the song with the same name is already buzzing. There’s a listening party happening right now at Geronimo Land, the clubhouse for the G$ crips. It’s only for the crips, clearly, but they’re on live, going up and drawing buzz for the midnight drop.

Me and Shad opted to stay in the studio. I haven’t had a drink in three days, so to celebrate, we’re getting as high as we can.

“This shit gotta be from Set’s plug,” I mumble, watching Shad lower the backwood to my lips. I wrap them around the tobacco and inhale slowly. We’re so in tune, he lifts it away as soon as I’m done. 

I exhale the smoke just as slow, lifting my hand to grab the wood from him.

“I can’t even feel my toes,” Shad replies. I lower the wood to his lips and let him toke. 

It’s something we do when it’s just us. When we can be as weird as we wanna be, without Grimey and them looking at us sideways, or Shad’s nerdy producing friends making fake kissy noises.

It’s been Shad and I working on my mixtape whenever he can, whenever he can get a sitter for Raya. Sometimes, she’d have to come, too, when Shad has a sound in his head that he has to figure out.

All in all, it’s eight songs. Eight songs of me rapping. I convinced Shad to sing on one of them. He doesn’t know that’s my lead single.

“Thank you… thank you for everything.” I hand the wood back to him and rub my hand down his face.

“That check Sheisty cutting is thanks enough,” he chuckles, but I know it’s just to break up the moment. Spending all this time with Shad, I’ve picked up on a few things.

How sad he is. Not regular sad, either. Sad like me. So when it gets too deep, he’ll pull away with a joke. 

But I don’t feel like being surface level. Not with him, and not tonight.

Tonight feels like the start of the rest of my life. I didn’t realize how lost I’d been until I got back in the studio. Until Shad and Trippy were giving me beats, and Grime was cheering me on, and Sheisty was nodding his head, and PC’s high ass was smiling.

I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. And this mixtape, this mixtape good enough to win awards, is proof of that.

“You don’t hate me, so stop acting like it.” I sit up and fold my arms, twisting my torso to face him.

Shad places the wood in his mouth so he can sit up, too. He turns to face me completely, pulling his knees to his chest before he pulls on the wood. “You not sensitive so stop acting like it.”

I roll my eyes, getting on my palms to snatch the wood from him. It’s nearly a roach, and it’s my day, so I’m killing it.

“I miss Sean.” He was always nice to me, shameless flirting aside.

“Yeah… me, too.”

Great. Now I actually feel bad.

“This is supposed to be a celebration, Shaddy!” I cough, swiping his water bottle from the coffee table and taking a swig before dropping the roach into the bottle. “We aren’t drinking. I know Set’s ass wouldn’t let you touch what I really wanna do. What are we to do?”

Shad just scoffs. “You know, people who do coke don’t be having no septum. You gon’ lose your sense of smell and I’ma just be pooting all by you, and you not gonna know.”

He only keeps a straight face for five seconds before we both break into a snicker. 

“‘Pooting?’ You’re a child,” I giggle.

Shad just shrugs, a goofy smile plastered on his face. But his eyes are shining, and my body begins to shiver.

He’s doing that thing his brother always does. Seeing right through me. But once I start to look familiar, Set backs off. He could never put into words the similarities between me and his mother.

Shad doesn’t know the meaning of backing off. He just surges through, barrelling through all my defenses if it means we don’t have to focus on all the storms brewing in his own mind. 

“Shad–”

“Thank you, Wyn. For even… even thinking of me for this.” He clears his throat, but even in the fog, I can see the water rimming his lids. “Even besides the money–and the money is a big thing… I needed this. I ain’t really think I could keep making music after Sean.”

I shrug, pushing my hair behind my ear. “I mean… I’m no YB or anything–”

“Nah, shorty. You Wynter $now. And soon, the whole world is gonna know that name.”

I raise to my knees and spread out my arms. “Wow. You do love me!”

Shaddy shakes his head, but he opens his arms, as I shuffle over to him and fall into them.

“You are a lot,” he murmurs, but he holds me tight, lowering us back onto the ground.

Emotions bubble up. I settle into his arms, my head on his chest, and before I know it, tears begin to saturate his shirt beneath my cheek.

“A hot mess,” I agree, before sniffling, releasing more tears. I can’t tell if they’re happy or sad. So I focus on my heart slowing to match Shad’s, and close my eyes.

“I’m a hot mess, too,” Shad snivels. 

“Are you crying, too?”

“If you tell anyone–”

“Relax, Shaddy. You’re my only friend, if you haven’t noticed.”

His hand moves to wipe his face before he bands his arm around me again. We lay like this for a while, on the uncomfortable, unforgiving floor. I’m not heavy, but I feel like his arm is falling asleep.

When I try to get up, Shad tightens his arms around me.

“I know your arm is asleep,” I slur, but I’m already making myself comfortable again.

“I think we both need a hug more than my arm needs blood circulation.”

My eyes pop open, and we both laugh before groaning. The floor is hard as hell, and it feels like I’m sixty instead of twenty-four.

“Damn. Happy birthday, Wyn.”

I glance at the clock on the wall, and sure enough, it is after midnight.

I’m twenty-five now. And my debut mixtape is out.

“My stomach is licking my fuckin’ ribs. Let’s go get some tacos and blast the song you made me sing on.”

I turn back toward Shad. His eyes are red, but they’re clearer than they were before. He’s smiling, his mini dimple showing. He reaches for me, but I slap his hands away, and go to grab my purse.

“You buying? It is my birthday.”

He balls his face up before turning toward the door. “You’d be conveniently forgetting that wallet regardless.”

I shrug my purse on my shoulder. “Well, best friends pay for each other right? Rico’s always paying for Auty.”

“Do I look like Rico?” Shad opens the door for me, but I stop at the jamb.

I narrow my eyes, pretending to think. So much has happened in my life, that my history with Rico feels like child’s play. My heart trips, just a little since I’m still lifted, but it’s not nearly as bad as it could be when he flits across my mind.

“I know you’re not this mean to Sabrina.”

Turning my nose up, I leave the room. It’s just us here, so I turn off the lights as we go. Once we’re outside, Shad locks up behind us, and throws his heavy ass arm around my neck.

“Actually, I’m way nicer to you these days. Since I’m not only your best friend, but your only friend. Clearly you need the charity.”

“Dick,” I chuckle, but I melt into his side as he walks us to his car.