Umm?

“The fuck are you doing? What’s that smell?”

I stiffen, then slowly start turning my head toward the door. Shaddy’s standing there, arms folded, nostrils flared, lookin me right in the eyes.

While my leg is hiked up so I can see my pussy in the mirror, open bottle of nair in hand, ready to slather it on my mons pubis.

I mean, I haven’t had no dick since before I found out I was pregnant, but this bush that’s grown in the absence of that has gotten out of hand. And entering my third trimester, I officially can’t see my girl, at least enough to shave or wax.

This is the next best thing.

“Um, do you mind?”

He comes all the way into my bathroom and snatches the bottle of chemical hair removal from my hand. “The fuck you doing with this?”

I carefully lower my leg to the ground and fold my arms. “If you must know, I need to get this hair off my vagíne and–”

“Why do you call it that?” he interrupts me, before glancing down. “Why you putting this shit on yo pussy? Isn’t it sensitive?”

“I can’t see-”

“And why the fuck you tryna melt the hair off yo pussy anyway? I know you not tryna get yo rocks off with my baby in you?”

My nails dig into my palms as we face off. His jaw is clenched tight as a scowl takes over his face. I don’t even bother correcting him; I’m sure if he could, he would alter Beanie’s DNA so that she really was his. 

“Damn, a girl can’t do a little self care?”

“You can’t even see yo pussy, Mace. Why do you care if it’s hairy of not?”

I swear in point-five seconds I’m going to scream. And then knee him.

He must see my resolve, because he smirks down at me. “You want me to shave your pussy for you, Mace?”

*record scratch*

What?!